Lost

People are surrounding you; you’re not alone. You have your family. You have your friends. You have your lover. But you are lonely.

You relentlessly linger, laze, and loiter. You find it mundane, meek, and mediocre. You render them lower, lesser, and worse.

You’re lethargic. Without energy. Without power; powerless. Without direction; directionless.Your life is hapless, and you, hopeless.

Always looking for something, always. Never have you found it, but never did you stop. Constantly lost, in a yearning search, on a longing pursuit; it’s a never-ending desire. You’re looking for something, wanting something. Who is it? What is it?

You thought you found it. You let it go, you let go. Break up, break off and break away. Time and time again.

But then, things changed. Someone became something. This time you didn’t let go. How could you? He’s everything you have ever wanted. The exact reason you want to. Too good. Too good to be true.

It is not true.

Is it?

Only you choose whether it’s worth it. Whether it’s worth the inevitable hurt. The very hurt you now contain, carry down, and carry on. The strangling, the choking, the heart beats; all that’s buried down.

If you decide it worth it, decide it true, if you let it be true: dig a bigger pit. Let it be ceaseless, only then will it suffice.

A question difficult to answer. Yes, you can not answer. You remain, for now, still lost. Still searching, still pursuing. In a never-ending desire.

You do not want to answer.

No tears anymore

 

I fight to contain my tears. The door is wide open, I can hear them talking outside. But I can’t help it. I can’t keep it in this long. Someone just passed, I look up, smile. The tears still in place. I can’t help it. I think of him and burst into tears. Thoughts race in my head, a thousand memories. A thousand more. Feels like an eternity together, and the end of. A quarter of my life I spent, with him.

We fought dozens upon dozens of times, but not that time.  We always made up, except that time. It was unprompted, to him.  I was contemplating it for months.

Did I do the right thing? It does not matter. Not one bit. No, because it’s too late. All hope, for anything, absolutely anything, is absolutely obliterated. By me, solely. My chest heaves at that thought, my heart clenches. Emotions so indefinite yet so familiar strangle me, taunt me, daunt me, loom around my head, attacking: ‘It’s all your fucking fault.’ I scream, it echoes unheard.

A quarter of my life I frittered, with him.

My mind is drained. My eyes impassive. I am unmoved.

No tears anymore.

 

My tagline

So.

My tagline seems off and not so catchy, but it’s part of my tagline-legacy, with the same tagline for all my fantasies, which hopefully, one day, will become a reality!

You see, I decided to open a make up store earlier this year, and as I was conversing with my friend as to what to call it, we somehow came up with : The make up store where you buy make up from. Which I thought was  cool. Then, it evolved to: The make up store where you buy make up from, The make up store where you buy make up from. The former being the name of the shop, and the latter being the tagline. I could so imagine a soothing voice stating the name and then proceeding to the tag-line with a change of tone, like on a TV ad or something. I also picture the store bags with the tagline written in a fancy italic font under it’s identical title. aah.

Then, I also decided to open a furniture store, which, you guessed it, would be called, The furniture store where you buy furniture from, the furniture store where you buy furniture from.

I want to open a nursery as well, this actually being one of my first more-serious fantasies, before I decided I was more passionate about make up, than kids. I think I’ll name it : The nursery where you drop your kids off at, the nursery where you drop your kids off at. Although, I don’t really like that. Maybe ‘Nursery‘ would cut it?

If you think this is over-ambitious, you should see what I was planning to do in 6th/7th grade. And the funny thing is, I was completely completely serious about it all, I think I may post on that sometime.

Anyways … nothing!

   The make up store where you buy make up from

The make up store where you buy make up from

 


The furniture store where you buy furniture from

The furniture store where you buy furniture from

Nursery