Wow .. It’s been a while!

Hell-o!

It’s been ages since my last post, I remember it was something to do with school. Wow, it’s amazing how fast time flies by. It really is.

We always do that, note time. Note it’s extraordinary ability to run past you, then creep up from behind. So many things, no matter how little or not they maybe, happen in such a short short amount of time. And in most cases, we don’t even notice. We never sit down and take it all in. One time you’re here, the next you’re there, and all that’s in between gets lost. I’m sounding awfully ambiguous here, I don’t even know what I’m talking about. It’s just that ever since school started, I never had time, or even the will or want, to write or post, or just sit around and think. It’s not that I’m busy, ’cause I’ve not been, or that I have other work, ’cause I don’t, it’s just thatttt I’ve got caught up in life, doing nothing, if that’s even possible.

Anyhow, I really hope to get this blog up and going, ’cause I do get the urge sometimes to go on about a thing or another, just never get ’round to it.

Yep …

Careless, but carefree.

It’s amazing how a single song can stir so much emotion, dig up so many memories, lift, and drop your soul.

It deluges you, with feelings long forgotten, striking you. It takes you away, far far away, to wherever.

You feel it, on your skin, underneath it. Your senses hammered.

It takes you away. Al Khawaneej Road, 3 am, spontaneity, youth, innocence. Long ago.

You remember it all. You are there. The AC blowing cold. The sky dark, masked in orange; the street lamps were bright. He looks at you, you stare. ‘Stop biting your nails!’ You laugh, both. So long ago. You remember it all.

The song ends.

Another begins.

You listen. You close your eyes – you are there. ‘Could I have this kiss forever?’ You lean towards each other. Your lips unite. You kiss, smiling. You’re young. Careless, but carefree.

Shower Power?

Last night, while in bed, I got this cool idea for a post, or just something I wanted to talk about I guess, but I was about to sleep, so I just made a ‘mental note’ of it, I knew that I’d forget what it was about, but I wasn’t bothered to get up and jot it down so I told myself that I’d remember. I didn’t. I’m sure it was nothing, but still I want to know what nothing it was.

This always happens to me, I get really cool ideas (although in hindsight they usually aren’t), but then just completely forget them. It seems that I get my most splendid ideas and thoughts in the shower, and every time I’m actually in the shower I think of something then go like, ‘well there’s something to blab about’, but as you can see I’m now just left blabbing about not knowing what that something is!

Though seriously, don’t you feel you think most during showers? I think for me it’s because I have nothing else to do, I get very lazy, and sometimes sit (yes I have a chair in my shower cabin), and do nothing, or just think, about nothing. Or about things. I need one of those shower-note thingies. Do they even exist? They should. Or you know, maybe I feel that I get my best ideas or just thoughts during showers because I can’t actually record them, so then I’m left feeling all smart and thoughtful, but if I actually knew what they were after, I might not feel so. You know what I mean?  It’s like I feel that they were worthy intelligent ideas and thoughts only because I don’t really know/remember what they were, ’cause if I actually did, they’d probably not be.

OK nothing.

When the nostalgia kicks in ..

It’s too soon. Too soon. I recently posted on hating school. I didn’t even start. And I miss it. I don’t, but I will. I was listening to some old shitty Arabic music from back in Year 6. Ah. Year 6! It’s Year 12 now! My friends! I’m listening to another one of those ancient songs. And I’m smiling so hard. With tears in my eyes (back of my eyeball). Ha ha I do not know how to convey my feelings. I’m basically just typing stuff! My toes are all curled up and my legs are just going up and down (I’m lying on my stomach). OK, that last sentence was weird, but it is (meant to be) a metaphor for the excitement I’m feeling! I haven’t listened to this song in years, years I say! Aaaaah. Toe and leg motion again! This song is full of cheeeese! Haha! OK OK. If you’ve read this far, I congratulate you! This is by far the most disjointed post I’ve made (which is saying a lot given that all my posts are so!). OK. Do you know how certain smells/sounds trigger these strong emotions in you? It takes you back to way back when? OK now, go listen to some song you haven’t heard in 6 years, yeah. See how that feels! Do you miss ‘the old days’? I’m not being a wimpy whiny old sado, but really this song is so old! And bad! Haha!

School.

Hello.

Next year is my last school year. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s actually quite funny, because I’ve always, always, hated school. And I don’t mean just hated waking up early and all the home work (as if ), I hated every single little thing about it. Man, I loathed it’s guts if it had some.

I used to countdown for summer months before, and last year started counting from day 1!  However, I don’t think I’ll be that enthusiastic about that this year, ’cause it’ll be the last year ever with all my friends and last year of … school! I’m saddened by that thought, that this forthcoming year is the last with my class, I like my class. But then again, I remember all those super slow moments where I’d just wish so badly that I could leave that shit hole, and man were those moments many!

I don’t know, when I think about it’s always goes something  like this:

‘I had so much fun with my friends *looks at pictures*’

‘Ugh remember Chemistry! Esters!’

‘We’ll never be in one class with all of my friends ever ever ever again!’

’7 lessons of hell every single day’

‘I’ll never see some of them again in my whole life.’

*Rethinks last point and smiles*

I don’t know, university they say is a completely new phase, but I always hear old people missing high school and what not, but I think I’ll get over it. But will I? I had lots of fun this

Last edited by madryy on August 14, 2011 at 2:33 am

Right, so I wrote all the above shizz then ^, but didn’t finish it and so never posted it. I have loads of posts saved in the drafts à la this one; incomplete and unfinished. I don’t know. Once I start writing something, and then stop, for whatever reason it may be, my train of thought undergoes a horrible accident. And then, once I stop and/or leave, I just forget about the post altogether. Anyhow, that is so not my point. Digression is my weakness. School is coming up. Tomorrow, actually. I’m not going though. I’ll just go at the beginning of the week. And I made up my mind. I do in fact indeed hate school. I usually find I go through this horrible phase of hatred and all right before school, but once it starts, a few weeks in, I get over it. We’ll see. And yeah, 281 days left.

OK, bye.

 

How do people survive?

Alright. So recently I’ve been going through what I call a ‘financial awakening’. Everything I see, including discount store stuff, and especially groceries, I find expensive. Anything, you name it, toothpaste, clothes, TVs, accessories, oh my God the accessories! Crazy expensive! I’m amazed as to how people manage to be not homeless. I’m still too young to rely on my own income, but I can’t help feeling that its impossible for an ordinary person to live under a roof AND eat food 3 times a day.

Anyhow. I go into MAC today. The prices have gone up! Used to be 81 AED for a lipstick, today it was 86, and tomorrow, 90. No kidding. They’re raising the prices. Why. Why is everything getting more expensive?!

 

 

On a different note, there was this real pretty shade, but was out of stock, I want it. One of a Kind, it was called. OK.

This Mess We’re In – PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke.

This Mess We’re In – PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke.

This song just [insert verb] me. Just hearing it, it gives me chills. Without even listening to the lyrics, just the tune, the tone, the voices. I don’t know. It evokes so much emotion, emotion I didn’t even know existed. Since I haven’t heard it before, it isn’t to me associated with a certain period in my life, yet it still takes me to kind of non-existent memories. I don’t know how to explain it. You know when you hear a song, or smell a distinct smell. and it reminds you of and takes you to a certain place/time/memory? The same thing happens to me except that I don’t know what this place/time/memory is. Maybe because the tune is similar to a song I used to listen to a lot before, but don’t really remember, or maybe I’m just weird.

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Anyways, what are your [insert verb] songs?

Bad face days.

Hello all.

Do you ever have ‘em? We all get bad hair days, but what about bad face days? When your face just doesn’t look as good as it normally does. I don’t know. I do. Unfortunately. You wake up and you just do not look good. It’s the same face, no difference whatsoever, except that it is just not as good! It sucks. Hard. What can you do? It is your face. Just not the nice version. I don’t know if it’s just me who gets these bad face days, it’s not a matter of confidence or shizzle like that, it’s when your face really truly has a bad day, and I’m not talking about a breakout or a few pimples here and there, I’m talking about a bad face, in general. It sounds so backward when I reread all of this, but really it happens. Maybe. Does it?

 

 

Here comes the sun

Since summer began, I started this ritual where I’d go sit outside for an hour or two everyday. I’d just sit outside, listen to my iPod, and do absolutely nothing. It was nice.

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I’m alone. Jet ski sounds in the background. Weight on my chest, heat. Birds flying across the cloudless sky. White all around the sun, blue further away. The sun is strong. My face is sticky. It’s hot, stove hot. Cars passing by, I can hear them. Fine summers day. Fine hot sunny summers day. Air blowing again, teasing. Lovely.

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Here comes the sun. Full volume. Can’t hear the kid. Bliss. Sitting facing the sun, feet up. That breeze again, blowing at my neck. Sun isn’t as bright, but sun nevertheless. Blue sky, green grass, yellow sun. Yeah.  Ah.

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The Beatles – Here Comes the Sun, the ultimate summer song.

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She was depressed.

She sat in her bathroom. Her head in her hands, her eyes closed. She sobbed. The sadness was overwhelming; she actually felt a sense of grief, almost tangible, engulfing her very being. She felt the energy drain from her frail body, her back stooped.

She lifted her head from her hands and opened her eyes. The lights were hurting them. She paused, then looked to her right, opened the bathroom closet, and grabbed some small nail scissors from a familiar clutch. She tossed it around her hand for some time. Then, she pressed its edges against her thighs, and tugged. It was silly, she knew.

She scraped the sharp ends across a little patch on her thigh softly. She repeated, slowly. She watched as her skin reddened, but she did not stop. No, consumed in her unhappiness, she continued. She sensed pain, ache, inside. Her heart hurt. She was sad. . ‘Die’, she whimpered. ‘Die, die, die.’ Her emotions grew, her scratches too, stronger and harder, and she sadder, and angrier. Her heart pounded as her scratching turned to stabbing.

‘Die! Why don’t you fucking die!’ she moaned, her chest heaving with misery.  It was starting to hurt, she could sense the pain in her thigh. ‘Die! Die! You deserve it! You fucking deserve it! DIE!’ she cried.  She abraded her skin until she could no more. ‘Why won’t you just die?!’ she wept. Then, she stopped stabbing, letting go of the scissors from her hands. She was crying. ‘Why won’t you die.’ she sighed with tears masking her face. She sat there, still, for a while.

She stopped crying. She felt weak, in the face. Exhausted. She got up, looked at her miserable miserable face in the mirror. Such beauty, marred. Eyeliner stained her soft cheeks. She wiped it away, she washed her face. Looked again in the mirror, and left the bathroom.

Into the living room she went, and smiled, at her family. ‘Hey!’ she said, sincerely casually. Her thigh burnt.

         It’s ever so sad, isn’t it?